What a year! My story written on the new year day of 2021

 What a year! What a year! The same sentiment circulates the world. For me I celebrate it for many other reasons.

2020 embodies many unexpected- from the plague of Covid 19 pandemic, economic shutdown, stock market fluctuations to recovery (sort of) and the ensuing stock market hype and surge. Surprise after surprise. As spectacular as the macro roller coaster ride seems to be, my personal ride in 2020 unfolds in the way I'd never imagined a year ago today.

I had "plans" on the first day of 2020. Soon my plans were thrown out of the window. I was mentally ill. I was suffering anxiety, depression and OCD. I was prisoned in my own mind. That was a dark, scary and lonely black hole. I spent a big chuck of 2020 trying to figure out what's going on with me and the other half of the year climbing out the hole. 

As the world entrenched in the Covid 19 , I slipped into this dark mental place in early 2020. The timeline of the incidents surprisingly coincides. As the world did not believe the severity of Covid 19 and thought it's a temporary and minor blow, I didn't believe a mental illness is a real thing for me and never expected it lingers so long. It had indeed transformed me in many many ways just as our life is altered by Covid 19 in 2021, in most cases, for good and better. I at times feel the whole world became ill with me. The resulting quarantine and remote work turned out to be a blessing for me as it allows me to recover in a less stressful environment while spending more time with my family. 

Nothing turned out as planned in 2020, and yet, we come out of the year fine with somewhat different perspectives about everything. That is life, isn't it? Life, as they all say, sometimes knows better what you want than yourself.

I'm indeed glad at what happened to me in 2020. I didn't spend time on things I planned. I didn't know what I wanted but I figured I need to plan on things anyway so my life can be filled with tasks. Instead, I spent time ruminating on things and trying to find cure for my illness. It's painful. It's a suffering. It's soul searching. It makes you connect to your core. It was a very slow recovery. I gradually reemerged with a very different plan.

Mental illness is a prevalent biology disease and yet human knows so little about it. Most people suffering from it are undiagnosed, untreated or under treated. The really sad thing is that most people don't have basic education about brain and mental illness and look at mental illness unreal or a stigma. Covid 19 will be over soon. My symptoms are under control. The cure to human's ignorance about mental illness is a long way to go.

My plan for 2021 is to spend my time and energy on people and things that are truly near and dear to my heart. It will be a year of learning, growing and blessings as the past years have been. I will advance confidently despite of medical and mental illness, obstacles, challenges and failures ( these are surely part of God's plan for 2021).

I got up at 5 before the first ray off 2021. I can't wait. My angel is awaiting, my beloved family is awaiting, interesting things are awaiting. I will be being - being with myself and my family and doing- doings things that call me with a sense of gratitude, peace and joy. I'm with my Heavenly Father and all will be well.